There was one example he gave that I felt had been ripped straight out of my play book. "Did
Sheila set me up and tell this man all my business?" I wondered. Little did I know Sheila wasn't
the problem. It was me. And God convicted me that day.
Here is a fundamental lesson I took away: when we put up unnecessary walls of defense and
show only a tough exterior, we often appear bitter, angry, and hard to handle. Underneath it all,
however, many of us are tender-hearted, sweet, and loyal.
It's Alright to Smile. Before God began teaching me how to balance firmness and kindness, I
would wear a constant scowl. The truth is, I had a deep-rooted distrust for many of the brothers
interested in me (something else God had to help me understand), so I wore a frown as some sort
of player repellent. I didn't know I was repelling the honorable men, too.
Be Serious on the Inside & Sweet on the Outside. One time a well-dressed, handsome
man came up to me and said, "Excuse me. You look very beautiful today." Instead of smiling
and accepting the compliment, I just rolled my eyes. I had convinced myself that he was after
only one thing, and I didn't want him to think I was willing. Several weeks later I saw him again
at a professional function. He was mingling and laughing with a few good people I know. When
he noticed me he didn't speak that time. I shared that to say, having strong standards is
important, but being cold and abrasive is an unnecessary turn-off.
Don't Lead Him On, but Don't Turn Him off. I really can't take full credit for this one.
My wise grandmother Evelyn, who has been happily married 45 years, let me borrow this tidbit.
The key to avoid being perceived as too hard to get is balance. In other words, it's not necessary
to laugh at all his jokes and throw yourself at every single man that appears eligible. But death
stares, evil glances, and arrogant attitudes aren't the way to go either. After all, who wants to
interact with someone who is always unpleasant? More importantly, can the light of Christ's love
shine through a mean facade? Whether we're dating someone or not, we should always strive to
let our let our light shine.
In order to find a perfect balance, you have to pray for God's help. He is always willing to assist
us as we navigate the dating landscape. I know there are many wolves out there dressed as
sheep, but God is able to reveal true character. The most important thing for all of us is to
surrender to God, and allow Him to order our steps. When we do that, instead of being too hard
to get, we'll end up in just the right position to be found by the one God sends our way.
Sheila set me up and tell this man all my business?" I wondered. Little did I know Sheila wasn't
the problem. It was me. And God convicted me that day.
Here is a fundamental lesson I took away: when we put up unnecessary walls of defense and
show only a tough exterior, we often appear bitter, angry, and hard to handle. Underneath it all,
however, many of us are tender-hearted, sweet, and loyal.
It's Alright to Smile. Before God began teaching me how to balance firmness and kindness, I
would wear a constant scowl. The truth is, I had a deep-rooted distrust for many of the brothers
interested in me (something else God had to help me understand), so I wore a frown as some sort
of player repellent. I didn't know I was repelling the honorable men, too.
Be Serious on the Inside & Sweet on the Outside. One time a well-dressed, handsome
man came up to me and said, "Excuse me. You look very beautiful today." Instead of smiling
and accepting the compliment, I just rolled my eyes. I had convinced myself that he was after
only one thing, and I didn't want him to think I was willing. Several weeks later I saw him again
at a professional function. He was mingling and laughing with a few good people I know. When
he noticed me he didn't speak that time. I shared that to say, having strong standards is
important, but being cold and abrasive is an unnecessary turn-off.
Don't Lead Him On, but Don't Turn Him off. I really can't take full credit for this one.
My wise grandmother Evelyn, who has been happily married 45 years, let me borrow this tidbit.
The key to avoid being perceived as too hard to get is balance. In other words, it's not necessary
to laugh at all his jokes and throw yourself at every single man that appears eligible. But death
stares, evil glances, and arrogant attitudes aren't the way to go either. After all, who wants to
interact with someone who is always unpleasant? More importantly, can the light of Christ's love
shine through a mean facade? Whether we're dating someone or not, we should always strive to
let our let our light shine.
In order to find a perfect balance, you have to pray for God's help. He is always willing to assist
us as we navigate the dating landscape. I know there are many wolves out there dressed as
sheep, but God is able to reveal true character. The most important thing for all of us is to
surrender to God, and allow Him to order our steps. When we do that, instead of being too hard
to get, we'll end up in just the right position to be found by the one God sends our way.
LIKE THIS FEATURE? SHARE IT!
Monday February 28, 2011
| EEWMAGAZINE.COM |
A turning point came for me when one of my
girlfriends, Sheila, suggested that I attend a
singles conference with her at church. One of the
male workshop presenters shared the hilarious
story of how he almost walked away from his wife
of 15 years before the first date. "She was just too
hard to get," he explained. " She was defensive
and I felt like everything I did was wrong. She was
a beautiful sister but I thought she was the
meanest woman on the planet!" I remember
laughing with the rest of the audience when the
presenter shared comical stories about what he
went through. But I also saw myself.
girlfriends, Sheila, suggested that I attend a
singles conference with her at church. One of the
male workshop presenters shared the hilarious
story of how he almost walked away from his wife
of 15 years before the first date. "She was just too
hard to get," he explained. " She was defensive
and I felt like everything I did was wrong. She was
a beautiful sister but I thought she was the
meanest woman on the planet!" I remember
laughing with the rest of the audience when the
presenter shared comical stories about what he
went through. But I also saw myself.
*ARTICLE BY KAREN WHITE, EEW MAGAZINE EDITOR
Back in the 90's there was a song by an African American boy band named Hi Five called "She's
Playing Hard to Get." All my 30-plus sisters likely know the tune. My friends and I loved
dancing around in hammer pants and big hair singing, She's playing hard to get, but she likes
meeee...! In essence, the song (which seems pretty cheesy now) was about a girl who really had a
thing for a guy, but tried to pretend not to.
As a single woman, have you ever tried that approach yourself?
I can't speak for you, but I have. In fact, I was taught at an early age that a man should have to
work extra hard to win the affection of a woman. So if I was crushing on someone, I was told to
put on airs and conceal my true feelings until the object my affection proved his worthiness.
"You don't want a man thinking you're some kind of easy floozy," one of my aunts would always
say. A part of me still agrees with that, even though I went overboard with the whole "play hard
to get" act early on. I confused being firm with being mean. I was curt, crass, and almost cruel at
times in an effort not to be viewed as easy. It wasn't until much later in life that I learned how to
find balance.
Back in the 90's there was a song by an African American boy band named Hi Five called "She's
Playing Hard to Get." All my 30-plus sisters likely know the tune. My friends and I loved
dancing around in hammer pants and big hair singing, She's playing hard to get, but she likes
meeee...! In essence, the song (which seems pretty cheesy now) was about a girl who really had a
thing for a guy, but tried to pretend not to.
As a single woman, have you ever tried that approach yourself?
I can't speak for you, but I have. In fact, I was taught at an early age that a man should have to
work extra hard to win the affection of a woman. So if I was crushing on someone, I was told to
put on airs and conceal my true feelings until the object my affection proved his worthiness.
"You don't want a man thinking you're some kind of easy floozy," one of my aunts would always
say. A part of me still agrees with that, even though I went overboard with the whole "play hard
to get" act early on. I confused being firm with being mean. I was curt, crass, and almost cruel at
times in an effort not to be viewed as easy. It wasn't until much later in life that I learned how to
find balance.
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| Copyright © 2011-2014 EEW Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. |
EMAIL:
Kennisha Hill is the author of the Christian
Fiction a freelance magazine writer. She
lives in Dallas, Texas and is happily
married with two children. Learn more by
visiting her website at kennishahill.com or
her Facebook page at Facebook.com/
kennisha.hill.
Email Kennisha:
khill@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
Fiction a freelance magazine writer. She
lives in Dallas, Texas and is happily
married with two children. Learn more by
visiting her website at kennishahill.com or
her Facebook page at Facebook.com/
kennisha.hill.
Email Kennisha:
khill@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
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