EMAIL:
Kennisha Hill pens words of inspiration
and empowerment to women who are
seeking the truth about love and
relationships from a Christ-centered
perspective. She is the author of the
devotional Simply Wisdom: Empowerment
for Your Purpose and the Christian Fiction
Novels, Awakened and Uncovered. Visit her
on the web and subscribe to her blog at
www.kennishahill.com.
Email Kennisha:
khill@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
and empowerment to women who are
seeking the truth about love and
relationships from a Christ-centered
perspective. She is the author of the
devotional Simply Wisdom: Empowerment
for Your Purpose and the Christian Fiction
Novels, Awakened and Uncovered. Visit her
on the web and subscribe to her blog at
www.kennishahill.com.
Email Kennisha:
khill@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook
Facebook.com
| BI-WEEKLY COLUMNS |
I realized that it wasn’t all just a big put-on. Kellus wasn’t simply pretending to be a man who loved
God, loved me, and had his priorities in order. His true self was shining through and it became
clear that we were indeed compatible, meaning we fit well together. And we still do today.
Dictionary.com defines compatibility as "capability of existing or living together in harmony."
When you are compatible with someone, you actually can live together peacefully because
compatible people share similar values, world views, and desires that make the two of them click.
So when a man shows interest in you, before you get in too deep, focus on things that matter. Find
out, are you compatible when it comes to areas like: faith, finances, family values, and future
goals? These are key areas to focus on, which also happen to be some of the biggest problem areas
for incompatible couples.
Of course compatibility doesn’t mean you will see eye-to-eye on everything. It also doesn’t mean
you won’t have to make some compromises.
In dating and marital relationships you have to learn to compromise to get along, as long as you
don’t compromise your integrity or belief system. For example, my husband loves sports. I believe
he came out of the womb holding a basketball in his hand—something I knew about him before we
got married. After we exchanged vows and began living together, however, I really began to see
just how much this man loved sports! Instead of being upset about his affection for the game, I
began watching some games with him. That’s a healthy compromise.
And before you say I do, there are other things to consider. And one of the questions to ask is "Can
or should I compromise on the big things?"
I’ll answer that for you.
If you have to compromise spiritually or become someone you are not in order to make the
relationship work, run. If you know right away there are things about this man’s world view, value
system, and behaviors that contradict your core and fundamental principles, the two of you are
not compatible.
Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine who shared with me an interesting predicament he finds
himself in right now. He is dating a woman who, initially, seemed to really fit the bill as a woman he
would like to marry. However, he recently found out something that didn't settle well with him. It
was about her faith-- what she believes spiritually isn't compatible with what he believes. I touch
on this topic in my article, "Dating Outside Your Faith.” Read it here.
So I encouraged my friend and told him if he knows they aren't compatible in that aspect (which is
one of the most important to me, honestly) then there's no need to waste time with each other. Call
it what it is, an insurmountable hurdle, and move forward praying, expecting, and looking for the
best God has for you.
Here are a few things I want you to consider when determining if a potential mate is suitable:
1. You can’t change anyone: The beauty of dating or courting relationships is that this is the
time you really get to know who a person is. It’s not just the time to bask in love and forget about
reality. No ma’am. During the getting-to-know-you phase, ask questions and watch closely because
the truth is, you can’t change him. It is better to recognize something you can’t live with and break
it off, than to get married, suffer, and regret everyday that you didn’t walk away when you had the
chance.
2. Don’t waste each other’s time: If you already know the two of you are not compatible and
that this whole thing can in no way possible lead to marriage, then just let it go. Sometimes we like
to hold on to relationships that aren’t good for us, praying and hoping for the best, when we need
to just keep it moving. If you have been wasting your time on an already dead relationship, God
has better, so let the one you’re with go. I mean, get rid of phone numbers, email addresses,
pictures, birthday cards...really let him go. Don’t waste each other’s valuable time. After all, you’re
only prolonging the inevitable break-up.
3. Ask God to show you who he really is: I prayed about Kellus once the relationship was
getting serious. I probably aggravated God by asking “Are you sure? Kellus? Why Kellus?” I
imagine God shook his head at me. But really, I had to ask about him because I didn’t want to think
about Kellus as husband material if it wasn’t going to work. So, I asked and kept on asking. And
God confirmed it in many ways. I’m sure he’ll do the same for you.
Authenticity is something we all desire in a man, so you’re not alone in that. I know you want to
make sure whoever you end up with is a “good fit” for you. If you’re in a serious relationship,
remember to look past surface level things and really consider if he could be a great match in your
life. Ask yourself this. Are we compatible in the areas that matter most? If not, he is likely not the
one. But don't be discouraged. God already knows the man assigned to your life and when the two
of you discover each other, you will well-matched for sure.
Got a question or comment for Kennisha? Email her at khill@eewmagazine.com.
God, loved me, and had his priorities in order. His true self was shining through and it became
clear that we were indeed compatible, meaning we fit well together. And we still do today.
Dictionary.com defines compatibility as "capability of existing or living together in harmony."
When you are compatible with someone, you actually can live together peacefully because
compatible people share similar values, world views, and desires that make the two of them click.
So when a man shows interest in you, before you get in too deep, focus on things that matter. Find
out, are you compatible when it comes to areas like: faith, finances, family values, and future
goals? These are key areas to focus on, which also happen to be some of the biggest problem areas
for incompatible couples.
Of course compatibility doesn’t mean you will see eye-to-eye on everything. It also doesn’t mean
you won’t have to make some compromises.
In dating and marital relationships you have to learn to compromise to get along, as long as you
don’t compromise your integrity or belief system. For example, my husband loves sports. I believe
he came out of the womb holding a basketball in his hand—something I knew about him before we
got married. After we exchanged vows and began living together, however, I really began to see
just how much this man loved sports! Instead of being upset about his affection for the game, I
began watching some games with him. That’s a healthy compromise.
And before you say I do, there are other things to consider. And one of the questions to ask is "Can
or should I compromise on the big things?"
I’ll answer that for you.
If you have to compromise spiritually or become someone you are not in order to make the
relationship work, run. If you know right away there are things about this man’s world view, value
system, and behaviors that contradict your core and fundamental principles, the two of you are
not compatible.
Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine who shared with me an interesting predicament he finds
himself in right now. He is dating a woman who, initially, seemed to really fit the bill as a woman he
would like to marry. However, he recently found out something that didn't settle well with him. It
was about her faith-- what she believes spiritually isn't compatible with what he believes. I touch
on this topic in my article, "Dating Outside Your Faith.” Read it here.
So I encouraged my friend and told him if he knows they aren't compatible in that aspect (which is
one of the most important to me, honestly) then there's no need to waste time with each other. Call
it what it is, an insurmountable hurdle, and move forward praying, expecting, and looking for the
best God has for you.
Here are a few things I want you to consider when determining if a potential mate is suitable:
1. You can’t change anyone: The beauty of dating or courting relationships is that this is the
time you really get to know who a person is. It’s not just the time to bask in love and forget about
reality. No ma’am. During the getting-to-know-you phase, ask questions and watch closely because
the truth is, you can’t change him. It is better to recognize something you can’t live with and break
it off, than to get married, suffer, and regret everyday that you didn’t walk away when you had the
chance.
2. Don’t waste each other’s time: If you already know the two of you are not compatible and
that this whole thing can in no way possible lead to marriage, then just let it go. Sometimes we like
to hold on to relationships that aren’t good for us, praying and hoping for the best, when we need
to just keep it moving. If you have been wasting your time on an already dead relationship, God
has better, so let the one you’re with go. I mean, get rid of phone numbers, email addresses,
pictures, birthday cards...really let him go. Don’t waste each other’s valuable time. After all, you’re
only prolonging the inevitable break-up.
3. Ask God to show you who he really is: I prayed about Kellus once the relationship was
getting serious. I probably aggravated God by asking “Are you sure? Kellus? Why Kellus?” I
imagine God shook his head at me. But really, I had to ask about him because I didn’t want to think
about Kellus as husband material if it wasn’t going to work. So, I asked and kept on asking. And
God confirmed it in many ways. I’m sure he’ll do the same for you.
Authenticity is something we all desire in a man, so you’re not alone in that. I know you want to
make sure whoever you end up with is a “good fit” for you. If you’re in a serious relationship,
remember to look past surface level things and really consider if he could be a great match in your
life. Ask yourself this. Are we compatible in the areas that matter most? If not, he is likely not the
one. But don't be discouraged. God already knows the man assigned to your life and when the two
of you discover each other, you will well-matched for sure.
Got a question or comment for Kennisha? Email her at khill@eewmagazine.com.
| ADVERTISEMENT |
 | |  | |  | |  |
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
| Copyright © 2011-2014 EEW Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. |
EEW Magazine is the premiere site for African American Christian news, viewpoints, and information. Visit EEWMagazine.com daily to get informed and
get the latest coverage of black news and black entertainment from a Christian perspective.
get the latest coverage of black news and black entertainment from a Christian perspective.
When I first met my husband Kellus Hill, he
was nice, sweet and charming. He opened
doors, pulled out my chair and showed a
genuine care for me as a woman who had
great ambition in life.
But I still had questions, because I had
already seen enough to know the show-you-
I’m-a-great-guy mask eventually comes off
and you begin to see a person for who they
really are. So I braced myself for the “real”
Kellus behind the romantic letters and gentle
tone. I was convinced that somewhere deep
inside this man was an attitude that would
eventually sneak into our conversation—a
snappy tone or something. Like a predator
on a hunt for its prey, I waited for the
authentic Mr. Hill to show up.
And he did.
But to my surprise, I liked what I saw.
was nice, sweet and charming. He opened
doors, pulled out my chair and showed a
genuine care for me as a woman who had
great ambition in life.
But I still had questions, because I had
already seen enough to know the show-you-
I’m-a-great-guy mask eventually comes off
and you begin to see a person for who they
really are. So I braced myself for the “real”
Kellus behind the romantic letters and gentle
tone. I was convinced that somewhere deep
inside this man was an attitude that would
eventually sneak into our conversation—a
snappy tone or something. Like a predator
on a hunt for its prey, I waited for the
authentic Mr. Hill to show up.
And he did.
But to my surprise, I liked what I saw.
August 16-30
| EEWMAGAZINE.COM |
